I made a BIG life decision!!!
...I have decided to go on a MISSION!
I am extremely excited to go and to serve the Lord wherever He sees it fit. But I can't lie... my heart is leaning towards South America. But honestly anywhere will be fantastic, I just want to go!
Once you decide to go on a mission it seems like the days never end. I already have the bulk of my paperwork done... now I am just waiting on going to California next weekend to get my dental and medical papers filled out. And that wait seems like it will never end! It is kinda hard to be patient.
Now this most definitely was not an overnight decision or even a decision that was made because of one particular moment. I did not wake up one morning and say "Time to talk to bishop! It is time for me to go on a mission!"
No it was gradual... and to be honest I was being stubborn. I knew for awhile that going on a mission is something I should probably do. I knew I did not have to. I guess I had to get to that point of me really wanting to go.
All my life I basically did want to go. When I was little I said I would go if I was not married by 21. When I first got into high school I proclaimed that I would NOT be married by 21 and so I would go on a mission then. When my brother Derek left for his mission in my junior year I really wanted to go on my own mission. I even told a good friend of mine that I wish that girls could go at age 19 like the boys! Cause then I'd be out there for sure!! Then I moved to San Luis Obispo for some college education and the thought of a mission seemed to kinda fade for me. I still wanted to go, but I mostly just focused on my school work, but I said if at age 21 I am not married I am confident I will go serve a mission.
Well Arizona seemed to change that in me...I fell in love with the life I had here. I still talked of going on a mission to my parents though. That day of me turning 21 was then only a mere year away, but my dad said that if I do want to go on a mission I needed to come back home to California in December to work and save up for it. And that folks, was the deal breaker for me.
Now I don't want to make my dad seem like the bad guy in this story. He is not at all. He had no idea that the idea of having to go back to California was keeping me from wanting to go on a mission. The reason for coming home was a wise one. If I stayed here I would have to pay rent and money for food and money for gas and so on. So in reality I would not be saving up a lot of money at all. So I pushed the thought of mission life outside of my brain... I was not going back to good ol' Californ-i-a... no thank-you!
To clear this up, I love California. I love coming back there and visiting my family. I do love the ocean. I always have. I love how beautiful it is there and I love the weather there. And I love all my friends that I have there. In fact, my friends get a little upset at the fact that I am choosing and doing everything I possibly can to be in Arizona rather than in California with them. But hey what can I say??? The desert got to me. Heck! The close proximity of a lake got to me! As much as I love the beach nothing beats a lake for this gal.
So when they changed the age for girls to 19 I got a lot of texts and calls. I guess everyone expected me to be one of the first to board that train, but to be honest I felt nothing. I thought oh that's awesome! and a little bit of why couldn't they have done the change while I was in high school? Then I would have hopped right on that bus. But my dad called and I told him that I just do not feel like it is right for me. And at that time I was being 100% honest. It just didn't feel right. And so for a good while I stopped thinking about it.
I stopped thinking about it until January. In January my best friend's little sister started to talk more and more about going on her mission. And slowly but surely she was posting things on facebook about missions and so on. I watched the videos and kinda teared up because I was a bit jealous of those girls who were all going on their missions. Thoughts of me going on a mission started to come and go.
Sometimes I'd sit there and think, "You know... I bet I could just put my papers in and all without my parents knowing and then a month before I could tell them. That way I can stay here in Arizona until right before." But then I realized that I probably shouldn't do something like that... and also I worried that if I went on mission before I had residency in Arizona then when I finished I would have to go back to California and do my schooling there... or Utah. And I did not want that.
Then after I finished up my phlebotomy program my life seemed to become even more increasingly stagnant. It was driving me absolutely insane!!!!! I did everything that I could possibly think of to try to create growth in my life. I was happy still, it's true. I still loved being here, but I could not handle the fact of feeling like everyone else was moving around me and I was just stuck with my shoes glued to the floor. Everything that life threw at me seemed to be more of a burden than normal. I wondered how on the outside my life could be so fantastic, but on the inside I felt like I was in a constant battle. The only problem was I had no clue what the fight was about and I did not know which side was winning.
Then I started getting desperate for change. For some kind of movement... any movement. But nothing was working. I finally really really prayed to my Heavenly Father. I told Him that I was tired of feeling this way... I was tired of my life being so still. I craved growth. I told Him that I did not know what to do, but that I was ready to do something, whatever it may be. And then an impression came to my mind. Very distinct and clear. "Prepare for a mission." And I felt so calm. Inside the battle ended. And I stayed kneeling for a moment that way and then thought, "What? no..." I brushed it all aside ended my prayer and got up to get going on cleaning up the place. But a mission kept going through my head. The next morning I woke up early. I sat there wondering, "Now what?" I knew what I could be doing, which is preparing for a mission and that really was the only thing. I prayed started to get ready to go to work sent a text to my mom about something and then she called. We had a really good talk about life and then the words just came out. I told her I was thinking about going on a mission again. I told her that this is what I need right now in my life. And that I want our family to have those blessings that come from having a missionary out working for the Lord. I told her that I need the blessings of a mission in my life right now. I need this progression in my life, but that I had some fears. Like most Mormon girls marriage was a bit of a concern. Going on a mission means 18 months of no dating or trying to find a guy. I realize I am young people... I do. But it freaks you out realizing that 18 months will pass by. It just does. But my BIGGEST concerns dealt with Arizona. I told my mom I am okay now with coming home before my mission to California, but after my mission I want to go back to Arizona even if that means I need to be here another year before I have residency. My mom and dad both said that I can stay in Arizona since with Phlebotomy I will have better pay and a better chance of a job in Arizona. And we figured out a way for me to return to Arizona after my mission so I can start up school when I get back.
Long story, I know. But truly you can see how stubborn I have been. I need to be humbled at times and realize that it is not always about me and what I want and my time table, but that it is about what the Savior needs me to do and that when the time is right for the Lord that blessings will become known. It is about me becoming the woman He would have me be. But I cannot become that person if I do not humble myself and listen to the lessons He is trying to teach me. I am grateful that He understands me so well. He knew what it would take to eventually get me to this point. Nothing in my life has ever felt so good and so right as the decision that I finally made to go and serve a mission.
Yes I do love my life here. I love my roommates and my friends and I realize that when I get back everything will be different. My roommates will move or move on to better things in life. My friends as well. But I know that for the little time that I give the Lord I will be blessed so so much for it. The trade off seems pretty unfair to be honest because to me it seems like I will be more of a work in progress all my mission than a help to the Lord. And then afterwards I just know that things will work out just fine.
I am really excited to go on my mission. I am excited to work hard day in and day out. Am I totally ready? No, but I am working on that right now. I want so badly to be a good missionary. I want so badly to share His Gospel because it has brought me so much joy, peace, and comfort. I would not give up 18 months of my life in Arizona if I did not know with all my heart that this church is true. I would not give up precious moments of seeing my nephew get baptized and seeing my niece soon after she is born if I did not know that Christ died and atoned for our sins and that we can be healed through the Atonement. I simply would not do this if the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints was not our Father in Heaven's established church on the earth today.
So I am going on a mission to try to help bring the world His truth!!!
Once you decide to go on a mission it seems like the days never end. I already have the bulk of my paperwork done... now I am just waiting on going to California next weekend to get my dental and medical papers filled out. And that wait seems like it will never end! It is kinda hard to be patient.
Now this most definitely was not an overnight decision or even a decision that was made because of one particular moment. I did not wake up one morning and say "Time to talk to bishop! It is time for me to go on a mission!"
No it was gradual... and to be honest I was being stubborn. I knew for awhile that going on a mission is something I should probably do. I knew I did not have to. I guess I had to get to that point of me really wanting to go.
All my life I basically did want to go. When I was little I said I would go if I was not married by 21. When I first got into high school I proclaimed that I would NOT be married by 21 and so I would go on a mission then. When my brother Derek left for his mission in my junior year I really wanted to go on my own mission. I even told a good friend of mine that I wish that girls could go at age 19 like the boys! Cause then I'd be out there for sure!! Then I moved to San Luis Obispo for some college education and the thought of a mission seemed to kinda fade for me. I still wanted to go, but I mostly just focused on my school work, but I said if at age 21 I am not married I am confident I will go serve a mission.
Well Arizona seemed to change that in me...I fell in love with the life I had here. I still talked of going on a mission to my parents though. That day of me turning 21 was then only a mere year away, but my dad said that if I do want to go on a mission I needed to come back home to California in December to work and save up for it. And that folks, was the deal breaker for me.
Now I don't want to make my dad seem like the bad guy in this story. He is not at all. He had no idea that the idea of having to go back to California was keeping me from wanting to go on a mission. The reason for coming home was a wise one. If I stayed here I would have to pay rent and money for food and money for gas and so on. So in reality I would not be saving up a lot of money at all. So I pushed the thought of mission life outside of my brain... I was not going back to good ol' Californ-i-a... no thank-you!
To clear this up, I love California. I love coming back there and visiting my family. I do love the ocean. I always have. I love how beautiful it is there and I love the weather there. And I love all my friends that I have there. In fact, my friends get a little upset at the fact that I am choosing and doing everything I possibly can to be in Arizona rather than in California with them. But hey what can I say??? The desert got to me. Heck! The close proximity of a lake got to me! As much as I love the beach nothing beats a lake for this gal.
So when they changed the age for girls to 19 I got a lot of texts and calls. I guess everyone expected me to be one of the first to board that train, but to be honest I felt nothing. I thought oh that's awesome! and a little bit of why couldn't they have done the change while I was in high school? Then I would have hopped right on that bus. But my dad called and I told him that I just do not feel like it is right for me. And at that time I was being 100% honest. It just didn't feel right. And so for a good while I stopped thinking about it.
I stopped thinking about it until January. In January my best friend's little sister started to talk more and more about going on her mission. And slowly but surely she was posting things on facebook about missions and so on. I watched the videos and kinda teared up because I was a bit jealous of those girls who were all going on their missions. Thoughts of me going on a mission started to come and go.
Sometimes I'd sit there and think, "You know... I bet I could just put my papers in and all without my parents knowing and then a month before I could tell them. That way I can stay here in Arizona until right before." But then I realized that I probably shouldn't do something like that... and also I worried that if I went on mission before I had residency in Arizona then when I finished I would have to go back to California and do my schooling there... or Utah. And I did not want that.
Then after I finished up my phlebotomy program my life seemed to become even more increasingly stagnant. It was driving me absolutely insane!!!!! I did everything that I could possibly think of to try to create growth in my life. I was happy still, it's true. I still loved being here, but I could not handle the fact of feeling like everyone else was moving around me and I was just stuck with my shoes glued to the floor. Everything that life threw at me seemed to be more of a burden than normal. I wondered how on the outside my life could be so fantastic, but on the inside I felt like I was in a constant battle. The only problem was I had no clue what the fight was about and I did not know which side was winning.
Then I started getting desperate for change. For some kind of movement... any movement. But nothing was working. I finally really really prayed to my Heavenly Father. I told Him that I was tired of feeling this way... I was tired of my life being so still. I craved growth. I told Him that I did not know what to do, but that I was ready to do something, whatever it may be. And then an impression came to my mind. Very distinct and clear. "Prepare for a mission." And I felt so calm. Inside the battle ended. And I stayed kneeling for a moment that way and then thought, "What? no..." I brushed it all aside ended my prayer and got up to get going on cleaning up the place. But a mission kept going through my head. The next morning I woke up early. I sat there wondering, "Now what?" I knew what I could be doing, which is preparing for a mission and that really was the only thing. I prayed started to get ready to go to work sent a text to my mom about something and then she called. We had a really good talk about life and then the words just came out. I told her I was thinking about going on a mission again. I told her that this is what I need right now in my life. And that I want our family to have those blessings that come from having a missionary out working for the Lord. I told her that I need the blessings of a mission in my life right now. I need this progression in my life, but that I had some fears. Like most Mormon girls marriage was a bit of a concern. Going on a mission means 18 months of no dating or trying to find a guy. I realize I am young people... I do. But it freaks you out realizing that 18 months will pass by. It just does. But my BIGGEST concerns dealt with Arizona. I told my mom I am okay now with coming home before my mission to California, but after my mission I want to go back to Arizona even if that means I need to be here another year before I have residency. My mom and dad both said that I can stay in Arizona since with Phlebotomy I will have better pay and a better chance of a job in Arizona. And we figured out a way for me to return to Arizona after my mission so I can start up school when I get back.
Long story, I know. But truly you can see how stubborn I have been. I need to be humbled at times and realize that it is not always about me and what I want and my time table, but that it is about what the Savior needs me to do and that when the time is right for the Lord that blessings will become known. It is about me becoming the woman He would have me be. But I cannot become that person if I do not humble myself and listen to the lessons He is trying to teach me. I am grateful that He understands me so well. He knew what it would take to eventually get me to this point. Nothing in my life has ever felt so good and so right as the decision that I finally made to go and serve a mission.
Yes I do love my life here. I love my roommates and my friends and I realize that when I get back everything will be different. My roommates will move or move on to better things in life. My friends as well. But I know that for the little time that I give the Lord I will be blessed so so much for it. The trade off seems pretty unfair to be honest because to me it seems like I will be more of a work in progress all my mission than a help to the Lord. And then afterwards I just know that things will work out just fine.
I am really excited to go on my mission. I am excited to work hard day in and day out. Am I totally ready? No, but I am working on that right now. I want so badly to be a good missionary. I want so badly to share His Gospel because it has brought me so much joy, peace, and comfort. I would not give up 18 months of my life in Arizona if I did not know with all my heart that this church is true. I would not give up precious moments of seeing my nephew get baptized and seeing my niece soon after she is born if I did not know that Christ died and atoned for our sins and that we can be healed through the Atonement. I simply would not do this if the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints was not our Father in Heaven's established church on the earth today.
So I am going on a mission to try to help bring the world His truth!!!
Erica! This is such a huge decision, and I am so proud of you! I can tell that it was a hard decision to make, and you've been pondering it for a while. It sounds like you're sure this is the right direction for you. I'm going to miss you, but I think that a mission will help you in all the ways you're wanting help and growth. I've always seen you as a missionary already, so I really how the adjustment won't be difficult for you. I love you and I entirely support you in this decision. Keep me posted on where you're going and when you're leaving so I can write you.
ReplyDeleteThanks Sophia!!! I am really excited to serve and at first it was hard, but the more I prepare the more that I know that I am making the right decision for my life right now. It is kinda an indescribable feeling and you are kinda on a roller-coaster with how excited you are, nervous, excited, sad to not see family and friends, so excited, so ready to go, not quite ready to leave yet... sort of thing!!! hahaha And thanks for the words of encouragement! I will miss you! And I will definitely keep ya updated!
DeleteHurray! The friendships you make on your mission will be just as wonderful as the friendships you have now and those friends you have now will still be your friends when you get back--maybe not your roommates...but your friends! I can't wait to see where you will be called....wherever it is they will be blessed to have you join them!
ReplyDeletehaha! Thanks!! It is true that I will make many more friendships on my mission and I will still be friends with the people here... I just might not get to hang out with them as much because they will be married or they have moved and so on... with singles you just never know where they will be in 18 months! ha And I just wanna know where I am going so bad right now!!! hahahaha I cannot wait!
Delete