Guess what y'all?!

... I have been in AZ for a whole year now!!!!

Seriously that is just crazy to me! Who knew that what I thought would only be a few months in a place turned into a whole entire year???

It has been kinda a neat experience to look back at this year mark for me and see what has happened. And honestly this year was not easy at all. ha It really was not. I fought a lot of boredom and loneliness and had to really find out who I am here. I had to go out of my comfort zone a LOT! I suffered the crazy heat... seriously I felt like I was in a frying pan... and really the list can go on and on and on with all the ditches that were in my path this year. But you know what?! This year has been FABULOUS! 

It is funny to me how the hardest times in life can turn into the most rewarding and great times in your life, once you get through the line of fire that is. I personally think they become such good times because of all the lessons you learn. Really for me I learned a lot about being humble. Oh my goodness gracious I am not humble!! Honestly, how many times do I have to learn the same old lesson over and over again. Three times was not the charm folks... more like, oh I don't know, forty? Or something along those lines at least. 

I think one of the coolest experiences for me was truly finding out who I was. Now just to let you all in on what I mean by that is everywhere I went it seemed like someone knew who the Langes were. Part of that really comes from growing up in a small town. But another part is my family is awesome. I am not just saying that... they are. In a post to follow I will go into depth about how awesome my family is. (I bet I got y'all on the edge of your seats now, don't I?) And I had many a brother go through the city of San Luis Obispo. So you see, when I went to a place all I had to say was, "My name is Erica Lange." and it meant something to those who heard it. There was always this flicker of recognition in the name and then followed a spew of confirmations and preconceived ideas. "Oh! Your a Lange!" they'd say, "So you are athletic, huh? Oh I bet you are good at holding your own with all those boys!" And it would just go on and on! Now this is not a bad thing. My family left me a great legacy... but a weighty one at that. Boy my brothers are athletic! And boy are they great in their church callings and they are funny and outdoorsy and smart and so on and with it came quite a bit of pressure to live up to the family name. So yeah it was really nice my family was so recognizably awesome. But at the same time I just got so used to fitting that mold. I was expected by everyone to already be a certain way.

When I came here I would say my last name and everyone just would look at me with a smile... But there was no flicker of recognition in their eyes... it was weird. And so for the first time in my life no one had any preconceived ideas about me. And in the beginning I was undergoing a sort of breakdown.... I was sitting there realizing no one had a flippin clue who I was! No one!!! I am not gonna lie, it scared me a little. Then I started to question if I ever was all those things a Lange was supposed to be... or at least always seemed to be. Then I got excited thinking I could be anyone I wanted... In the end I am a Lange. Plain and simple. I still say and do things like my bros. I still crave playing sports and love every second I get on a court or field. And I love to camp, spend time on a boat, and wakeboard, Yep, I am a Lange alright. But I am ERICA Lange and that right there brings in a lot of things that are just me.

I also learned to create in my time here. And that I like to decorate my place to make it nice and welcoming. And I learned to go out of my shell a bit more. Yeah, I still am really bad at it, but I have gotten a lot better. I learned that I love to be busy and I have developed a greater love for cooking and cleaning in my time here. I have become less of a worrier and have learned to love and live life!! Sure I have always loved life, but let me tell ya... I love it more now. I learned a lot about living and I guess I can say a learned a bit about love in general. I learned to love those around me in a greater capacity than I think I have ever been able to do before. And I got to say I learned a lot about what life is like when there are a lot of Mormons around!!! Ha So so weird to me still but I am getting used to it.

Oh and I learned that food goes bad way faster here than in California!! It is crazy!! I had to change the way I grocery shop! Also did you know that oranges can get dehydrated ? Yeah! Never knew that, but apparently the oranges we had went as hard as a rock and Kristin told me they get dehydrated from the heat and if they are left outside you can step on them and shatter them. The effects of that Arizona sun guys!!

But I think the biggest lesson of all that I learned has been about faith and giving up my time table and allowing the Lord's time table to take place in my life. It hasn't been easy. It took a lot of humbling and still I continue to be in need of humility. You learn so much when you are humble though. I had to learn to walk by faith, This is a constant in my life here. I never knew what was gonna happen next. I like to know. But I have come to understand that we do not need to know everything. If we did know everything then there would be no need for faith.

 I can't really tell you why I fell in love with this place nor can I explain the feelings and thoughts that I had when I decided to stay and that it was confirmed a good choice by the Holy Ghost. I cannot say that I touched the lives of anyone here. I hope I did. But truly the lives of so many here touched mine and have made a world of difference to me. I hope that they know who they are. I hope that I am not so flawed as to not let them know from time to time how special they are to me and what their friendship to me has meant. I am just this simple small town California girl who jumped into a big city knowing no one my age hoping to make something out of this desert Arizona life and the good people here helped make that hope of mine fabricate into a reality. I am grateful for the influence of others in my life. I need people. As much as I like to be independent, I really do need people who are Christ like enough to love me. And boy I have been blessed all my life with those fine jewels. I am a lucky gal.

Because it is Mother's Day...

I'm gonna brag to ya about my mammacita!

Now in all of my talks that I have ever given on Mother's day I try hard not to be one of those people who just sit there and talk all about how great their moms are. But this ain't no talk. It's my blog and I wanna brag about my mother to y'all. Now you don't have to read it, but just the little bit that I will tell you about her is sure to change you because she is magnificent! I wish the whole world could know her personally because I think she just has this ability to change people for the better, even if it is in a small way.

So...

In case you didn't know... I have the greatest of all moms. I really do. My mother is a strong woman. The things that she can handle emotionally as well as physically and spiritually is truly amazing to me. Yes indeed, she is a strong strong woman!

You see my mom grew up in humble circumstances, but she never let that be an excuse for her to not get a college education. All in high school she worked hard and when it came time to graduate she had a scholarship at BYU. 

At BYU she met my Father after he returned home from his mission... Now I gotta say I love hearing my parents talk about their life when they were dating! ha They crack me up! At times I kinda wonder how they wound up getting married and yet it all makes perfect sense because my parents are completely awesome together. You can tell that they hold so much love and respect for each other. They are each other's best friends. And for a child to see THAT in a home is huge!! That is what makes my mom and dad so great. I see the love they have for each other. 

When my mom and dad married my mom was pretty young.. She was 19, but she always throws in that she was almost 20! haha She had been going to school for a couple years prior to meeting my dad., but they married when both of them were not done with school yet and started a family. My mom graduated with two young kids. Now if that is not impressive as is I don't know what else would be. 

She continued to have one kid after the next... Boy after boy after boy after boy until she had me, her girl, and then another boy. Any woman who can raise five boys deserves a lot of praise. In some ways boys can be easier than girls, but in a lot of ways they are not. Sure they can help out a lot with the yard work and all, but basically they break things that girls wouldn't normally break... like cars and stuff. 

But the thing that I find pretty impressive is that my dad was gone getting his Master's so my mom had all six of us crazy kids by herself a lot of the time. And then my dad was called to be the bishop, which also required a lot of his time. So my mom was one busy woman because my dad was also one busy man. My mom during this time also started up her own speech pathology business out of her house. This way Cory and I could be home with her. We were the "examples" on how to use proper sounds and how to interact with others. 

My mom changes kids lives. And by changing the life of the child she makes a world of difference to that family's life. See as a speech pathologist she doesn't just give children that necessary tool of communication. She works with kids who have disabilities as well. She teaches kid's with autism social skills. She disciplines kids who can be out of control and she helps teach the parents how to discipline as well. She breaks down walls for these families. Kids try to spit on her, hit her, and bite her. But in the end they all love my mom to the moon and back. She puts so much work and effort in her work. She will literally get every plant in our house and weave fake snakes in the branches and have fake birds flying around to make the room a jungle to help the kids get into the activities. She is kinda crazy I know, but this woman never half does anything!!

My mamma playing with her grand-kids outside

She serves the Lord. She rarely puts her needs and wants first. She doesn't get herself new clothes and what not because she gives that money to us so we can have a new pair of jeans or anything. Even when we are all gone she still doesn't get new things a lot because with six of us out on our own, one of us usually is in need of something. She is always sacrificing for us. But the thing is, she doesn't just do that for us. If there is a wedding reception my mom is the first one there with a truck load of decorations from OUR home for the family to display so that the girl has a nice reception. She will talk on the phone for hours helping others with any questions or needs they have. And she puts her all into her callings. She always does her very best at whatever she does. For her current calling she takes the young women on temple trips and does a special lesson every Christmas in which she lavishly decorates the room, prepares a slide show, and so on. My mom doesn't expect praise from the world. She just does what she does day in and day out because that is the kind of woman she is. I want to be even MORE like my mother.

My mom is on the left! ha This is on one of the temple trips she had for the young woman! As  you can see she is young at heart!

When I look back at my childhood it was wonderful. I was always with my mom and she was cheerful almost 100% of the time. 

We were trying to see who could bulge their eyes the best... I think she won! ha

When I started going to school I would come home to a clean house and a mom who would be singing as she cooked... well, burned... our dinner. haha So cooking was never her strong point, but I will admit she has gotten a bit better over the years. She made our home a place we anted to be though. A haven from the world.

My mom got in the freezing cold water with Jackson and even dunked her head just because he asked her too!

My mom had a huge job raising a girl out of a clan of boys... I give her all the credit for every ounce of girly I have in me. I wanted to be one of the boys basically all my life, but she made sure I had girl toys, and that I would wear dresses on occasion, and curl my hair. As I got older she made sure I put on make-up, dressed like a girl, crossed my legs, and she tried to monitor how much I hit and what words I would say such as dude and freakin and so on. And even though I can be quite obedient at times I was not the easiest to try to teach. I can be kinda stubborn and when I want something it can be hard to make me not go after it... no matter how logically illogical my wants are. Such as wanting to be one of the boys... 

But what I admire most about my mom is how hard she tried to instill a testimony in all of us. My grandma joined the church when my mom was young. So her family, in general, is quite young in the church. My mom  wanted us to be very strong in the gospel. She knew what life was like without it. I remember being young and hearing her bear her testimony. I would see tears in her eyes as she would speak. I didn't always understand what she was saying, but I knew that she loved this gospel and that it was something very dear to her. The Spirit was often felt in our home because she tried to cultivate it. Daily she taught and enforced principles of the gospel. She was happy when we succeeded in anything and everything, but they joy that she felt when she saw us grow spiritually was truly more profound and evident than when we made a basket or aced a test. I never felt forced to believe in what I was hearing. I always felt like I could make my own choice. My parents strongly encouraged and urged us to make correct choices, but never did I feel forced to read the scriptures on my own, or wake up early to attend early morning seminary, or finish my personal progress. I did all those things because I knew that the gospel was true. By my mother and father sharing with me their testimonies and by me seeing their acts of faith on numerous occasions I slowly began to want to know for myself if these things really were true. And that is the greatest thing a mother could ever do for her child, is to bear her testimony to them and to let them see her faith.

My mom has been such a wonderful example to me in every way possible. I love that I look like her. I love that I act like her, even though I don't always say I love it... I really do! I just love that I am practically my mother's twin. Her example to me has always been to be feminine, yet strong; to be tough, and yet loving; and to have a faith that is unshakable.

I love my mother dearly! She really is one of my best friends! I can tell her anything! And I pretty much tell her everything. I loved coming home and talking to her all about my day. I love it when we both go out and attempt to shop for clothes, but we both get sick of it within a couple hours! haha I love being at the lake with her. I love talking on the phone with her. And I love all the jokes and the laughs we have! My mom is an amazing and remarkable woman!!! I am so glad that I am sealed to her for all of eternity!! 

Big announcement!!

I made a BIG life decision!!!

...I  have decided to go on a MISSION!

I am extremely excited to go and to serve the Lord wherever He sees it fit. But I can't lie... my heart is leaning towards South America. But honestly anywhere will be fantastic, I just want to go! 

Once you decide to go on a mission it seems like the days never end. I already have the bulk of my paperwork done... now I am just waiting on going to California next weekend to get my dental and medical papers filled out. And that wait seems like it will never end! It is kinda hard to be patient. 

Now this most definitely was not an overnight decision or even a decision that was made because of one particular moment. I did not wake up one morning and say "Time to talk to bishop! It is time for me to go on a mission!"

No it was gradual... and to be honest I was being stubborn. I knew for awhile that going on a mission is something I should probably do. I knew I did not have to. I guess I had to get to that point of me really wanting to go. 

All my life I basically did want to go. When I was little I said I would go if I was not married by 21. When I first got into high school I proclaimed that I would NOT be married by 21 and so I would go on a mission then. When my brother Derek left for his mission in my junior year I really wanted to go on my own mission. I even told a good friend of mine that I wish that girls could go at age 19 like the boys! Cause then I'd be out there for sure!! Then I moved to San Luis Obispo for some college education and the thought of a mission seemed to kinda fade for me. I still wanted to go, but I mostly just focused on my school work, but I said if at age 21 I am not married I am confident I will go serve a mission. 

Well Arizona seemed to change that in me...I fell in love with the life I had here. I still talked of going on a mission to my parents though. That day of me turning 21 was then only a mere year away, but my dad said that if I do want to go on a mission I needed to come back home to California in December to work and save up for it. And that folks, was the deal breaker for me.

Now I don't want to make my dad seem like the bad guy in this story. He is not at all. He had no idea that the idea of having to go back to California was keeping me from wanting to go on a mission. The reason for coming home was a wise one. If I stayed here I would have to pay rent and money for food and money for gas and so on. So in reality I would not be saving up a lot of money at all. So I pushed the thought of mission life outside of my brain... I was not going back to good ol' Californ-i-a... no thank-you! 

To clear this up, I love California. I love coming back there and visiting my family. I do love the ocean. I always have. I love how beautiful it is there and I love the weather there. And I love all my friends that I have there. In fact, my friends get a little upset at the fact that I am choosing and doing everything I possibly can to be in Arizona rather than in California with them. But hey what can I say??? The desert got to me. Heck! The close proximity of a lake got to me! As much as I love the beach nothing beats a lake for this gal. 

So when they changed the age for girls to 19 I got a lot of texts and calls. I guess everyone expected me to be one of the first to board that train, but to be honest I felt nothing. I thought oh that's awesome! and a little bit of why couldn't they have done the change while I was in high school? Then I would have hopped right on that bus. But my dad called and I told him that I just do not feel like it is right for me. And at that time I was being 100% honest. It just didn't feel right. And so for a good while I stopped thinking about it. 

I stopped thinking about it until January. In January my best friend's little sister started to talk more and more about going on her mission. And slowly but surely she was posting things on facebook about missions and so on. I watched the videos and kinda teared up because I was a bit jealous of those girls who were all going on their missions. Thoughts of me going on a mission started to come and go. 

Sometimes I'd sit there and think, "You know... I bet I could just put my papers in and all without my parents knowing and then a month before I could tell them. That way I can stay here in Arizona until right before." But then I realized that I probably shouldn't do something like that... and also I worried that if I went on  mission before I had residency in Arizona then when I finished I would have to go back to California and do my schooling there... or Utah. And I did not want that. 

Then after I finished up my phlebotomy program my life seemed to become even more increasingly stagnant. It was driving me absolutely insane!!!!! I did everything that I could possibly think of  to try to create growth in my life. I was happy still, it's true. I still loved being here, but I could not handle the fact of feeling like everyone else was moving around me and I was just stuck with my shoes glued to the floor. Everything that life threw at me seemed to be more of a burden than normal. I wondered how on the outside my life could be so fantastic, but on the inside I felt like I was in a constant battle. The only problem was I had no clue what the fight was about and I did not know which side was winning. 

Then I started getting desperate for change. For some kind of movement... any movement. But nothing was working. I finally really really prayed to my Heavenly Father. I told Him that I was tired of feeling this way... I was tired of my life being so still. I craved growth. I told Him that I did not know what to do, but that I was ready to do something, whatever it may be. And then an impression came to my mind. Very distinct and clear. "Prepare for a mission." And I felt so calm. Inside the battle ended. And I stayed kneeling for a moment that way and then thought, "What? no..." I brushed it all aside ended my prayer and got up to get going on cleaning up the place. But a mission kept going through my head. The next morning I woke up early. I sat there wondering, "Now what?" I knew what I could be doing, which is preparing for a mission and that really was the only thing. I prayed started to get ready to go to work sent a text to my mom about something and then she called. We had a really good talk about life and then the words just came out. I told her I was thinking about going on a mission again. I told her that this is what I need right now in my life. And that I want our family to have those blessings that come from having a missionary out working for the Lord. I told her that I need the blessings of a mission in my life right now. I need this progression in my life, but that I had some fears. Like most Mormon girls marriage was a bit of a concern. Going on a mission means 18 months of no dating or trying to find a guy. I realize I am young people... I do. But it freaks you out realizing that 18 months will pass by. It just does. But my BIGGEST concerns dealt with Arizona. I told my mom I am okay now with coming home before my mission to California, but after my mission I want to go back to Arizona even if that means I need to be here another year before I have residency. My mom and dad both said that I can stay in Arizona since with Phlebotomy I will have better pay and a better chance of a job in Arizona. And we figured out a way for me to return to Arizona after my mission so I can start up school when I get back. 

Long story, I know. But truly you can see how stubborn I have been. I need to be humbled at times and realize that it is not always about me and what I want and my time table, but that it is about what the Savior needs me to do and that when the time is right for the Lord that blessings will become known. It is about me becoming the woman He would have me be. But I cannot become that person if I do not humble myself and listen to the lessons He is trying to teach me. I am grateful that He understands me so well. He knew what it would take to eventually get me to this point. Nothing in my life has ever felt so good and so right as the decision that I finally made to go and serve a mission.  

Yes I do love my life here. I love my roommates and my friends and I realize that when I get back everything will be different. My roommates will move or move on to better things in life. My friends as well. But I know that for the little time that I give the Lord I will be blessed so so much for it. The trade off seems pretty unfair to be honest because to me it seems like I will be more of a work in progress all my mission than a help to the Lord. And then afterwards I just know that things will work out just fine. 

I am really excited to go on my mission. I am excited to work hard day in and day out. Am I totally ready? No, but I am working on that right now. I want so badly to be a good missionary. I want so badly to share His Gospel because it has brought me so much joy, peace, and comfort. I would not give up 18 months of my life in Arizona if I did not know with all my heart that this church is true. I would not give up precious moments of seeing my nephew get baptized and seeing my niece soon after she is born if I did not know that Christ died and atoned for our sins and that we can be healed through the Atonement. I simply would not do this if the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints was not our Father in Heaven's established church on the earth today. 

So I am going on a mission to try to help bring the world His truth!!!