29 Days of GRATITUDE

Day Five:

So I am behind, but yesterday I felt very grateful for the gospel.

Honestly there was just so much goodness from the gospel and church that it is so hard to just zone in on one. 

The priesthood is truly amazing and such a blessing in my life. I am grateful for faithful men who are worthy to use the priesthood. 

I am so grateful for the Atonement.i need it so much and in every aspect of my life. The Atonement is such a great gift that allows me to be closer to my Savior and Heavenly Father.

I am grateful for the friendships and unity and support group the church members provide. There is something wonderful about being surrounded by those who share your same beliefs that you can discuss ad share such beautiful and wonderful things with. 

I am so thankful for church leaders. Especially for such a loving and kind bishop. Our bishop works so hard and serves us so well.

The gospel is true. It is the thing in my life that I never want to live without!!! I am so blessed to have been born under covenant and have such amazing family members who are the greatest examoles. I am so grateful for the knowledge I have. It blesses and guides me each day, each hour. 

What are you thankful for?

29 Days of GRATITUDE

Day Four:

Today I am grateful for my car.

Sure its dirty and muddy from the dirt roads right now. And inside it has dirt and hay in it from the horses, but I really do love it. 

It gets me from point A to point B. She and I have been together for three years and the biggest trouble she has given me is a dead battery. Seriously it is just a good and dependable car. And I am lucky to own her. Even though I would prefer a truck, my car is good on gas mileage.  Which is such a nice plus, esp. Whem I drive three hours to work at the ranch or driving from arizona to california. And now from tehachapi to bakersfield several times a week. 

Her name is mulan by the way. Named by my beautiful co-worker sierra. :) so shout out to her. Ha 

What are you grateful for?

29 Days of GRATITUDE

Day Three:

Grattitude is the best attitude.

Today I am gratefulnfor work. Good ol' fashioned work. 

One I am grateful for the job I currently have. Getting paid is always nice, but  after work I went home and I trimmed bushes. 

You just feel accomplished and being active and doing things just makes you happy. Being productive btings joy. 

Also it is not easy to find a paying job now days so I am glad I have it for the time being. 

Working is the greatest! 

What are you grateful for?

29 Days of GRATITUDE

Day Two:

Tody I feel extremely grateful for institute.

It is a little difficult living far away from the institute building, but the drive is definitely worth it.  

For those of you who have absolutely no idea what I am talking about when I say institute, let me explain... institutes are built all over at various college campuses or very close to them. They are a part of the Latter-Day Saints churh education program. They have several different classes throughout the week all centered on one section of scripture such as, the Book of Mormon, the Old Testament,  the New Testament,  Pearl of Great Price, or cetain topics such as, Marriage and Family and Mission Prep. These classes typically have mostly college age students attending, however, anyone is welcome to come. 

These classes are great and so wonderful. The opportunity to learn and to discuss scripture is just what I need at the very least once a week. It allows me to make new friends, but most importantly to feel the Spirit and ponder on His words. It allows me to slow down and in a sense escape the world for a little while. 

When I lived in San Luis Obispo and first started attending institue classes,  just walking in the building gave me a feeling of home and safety, like all my worries where left outside the door. There I knew I was loved and welcomed by everyone. It was filled with happiness and laughter. The institute in bakersfield is alot like that as well. 

I think that in these areas where there are less mormons there is a greater feel or sense of belonging because everybody knows everybody. I loved institute in Arizona, but in the mesa area there were three different institute buildings to choose from in the area. And so many new faces all the time! Which is fun and exciting, but not always familiar.

The biggest thing about institutes are the lessons though. It truly uplifts me and gives me strenghth. I have learned countless things from the lesson that are not always what the teacher says,  but lessons communicated to me from the still smal voice of the Holy Ghost, who can dwell with me in a place as the institute because of the enviroment cultivated there.

I am grateful for institute!

What are you especially grateful for today?

29 Days of GRATITUDE

Day One:

So I have been thinking a lot about gratitude lately and how much I lack in expressing my gratitude.

I truly have been given much and yet I often seem like I am on this ridiculous never ending downward spiral of everything not being enough... when in fact I have all I need and much much more. All this craze of wanting more and more and more will never bring me peace or joy.

In fact, this last general conference had several talks based on gratitude so this must be quite important. 

I made a challenge for me to write in my blog each day about something that day in particular that I am grateful for.

So here goes day one...

I am so extremely grateful that I have the opportunity to be with horses whenever I want. 

In fact, today after I cleaned out a rather large stall after work I went bareback on this magnificent horse named Gunner.

Gunner is such a calm boy and to be quite honest it is almost like he is part dog or something. He is just so friendly and loves as much attention as he can get!

Getting to go barebacking on that beaut was just what I needed today! For some dang reason today was just one of those days where it is hard to pick yourself out of the dumps. 

Horses have this way of calming me. I feel free. I feel peace inside and all I have to think about is how the horse and I are interacting with each other. Riding is the bee's knees no matter what, but there is this unique serenity riding bareback. You feel the strong movements of this powerful and graceful creature beneath you and you feel like you are one. And it presents a slight challenge with balancing. 

So I am so very grateful that I have 24/7 access to horses. And not just any old horse but athletic champion cutting horses who each have the cutest and darndest personalities you ever did see.

What were you grateful for today?

Something near and dear to me..

A particular place filled with particular people,

has changed me...

One day I got onto my e-mail. I erased all the Facebook notifications like I normally do and went on reading my e-mail. Well when I finished up a certain e-mail I pressed delete and up popped a notification from Facebook! 

"Dang!" I thought, "I missed one." I was about to delete it when something caught my eye... It was talking about a job...

This piqued my interest because just a couple days ago I discovered that I did NOT like working in healthcare! Which is crazy because I thought I would be in love with it, but I just wasn't. I was in search of something more. 

So as I read about this job it said it was for a boy's ranch for troubled teen boys. And I was thinking that sounded pretty interesting. It went on to say that this place was called Ari-something or other.... And people thought Tehachapi was a weird name... It wasn't till a couple weeks later I could say the name and now it is a name I will never forget how to say.

So the girl who posted it gave her number out. I decided to text her to figure more out about the job. She told me a little and I got more interested and then she told me that it was eight days on and six days off. Welp, thats it. I aint doing that!

I went about my day and a couple days passed by, but I seriously could NOT stop thinking about that job!!! I kept telling myself it wouldn't work. My plans were to stay as a phlebotomist until I went on my mission and then when I came back I would go back to school and work some random part-time job till I finished up with my schooling. 

Still nothing I would tell myself got me to stop thinking about that job. So I texted that girl again to ask about the pay. Then I did the math... Strangly enough I would be making more at this ranch job then I would as a phlebotomist. So I called up my parents. My mom was all for it!! We both agreed this would be a great opportunity. My dad was harder to convince. I told him they pay me, give me food while I am there, the gas would be about the same, so overall I could save up quite a bit for my mission! So my dad looked at it and said okay!! 

So then I texted her and said I would like to apply. Well basically I just had to send some guy an e-mail about why I wanted to do this job. I explained that I was searching for another career path in a different field. I was thinking about speech therapy like my mother or to become a counselor. And that I grew up with five brothers so I will feel at home at the ranch. 

So I got a reply back and they said I was hired! Well that was easy!!! They sent me some paperwork to fill out and I scanned it and sent it back. 

Then at the end of August I was leaving my house at 5:00AM and getting into a truck with a girl I had only heard about from church...

The ride was actually pretty good. I liked Brook instantly. Little did I know that she would become one of my best friends.I got to the ranch and unpacked my stuff in our little portable. It had the tiniest shower I had ever seen. But it was cute, thanks to Brook. And you know it was good. It has walls and a roof. That is all I really need. Later I came to learn it leaks a lot when it rains and the hot water for the shower rarely works, but hey when you work at a boy's ranch you really do not need to live in luxury. I barely spent anytime in that place anyways. 

I walked out and there were boys everywhere! Yeah... I guess I knew I was coming to a boy's ranch, but you know. 

Brook showed me around the place and showed me the bunk that I was gonna be in and told me a little bit about some boys in there. 

Then we all gathered around the flag pole. They announced that they had a new "wrangler". They said a long memorized thing called the creed. And at the end they all gathered in and yelled the words. Yep! Boys for ya!

Then after I swear I had a million boys come up to me and tell me their names... a couple lied about their names... :) And I felt a tad overwhelmed. Then brook kinda showed me how the schedule works and I walked into the bunk and followed my partner around. 

At first I was really awkward talking to the boys... This was different. I had brothers, but really we spent most of our time playing sports together or wrestling. And when they talked well, they never cursed and talked about drugs. haha So it was different. I realized though that it was not foriegn country though. I did go to high school and I did hear that kind of stuff there. 

Well my first week was a little rough. Brook kept telling me the boys like to test you and see if you will stick around. I was positive that they just did not like me at all. I decided to start writing on the back of my schedule all the good I saw in each of the boys and the good things I saw happening. So when moments got rough I could look at that and remember that there is good all around me. I'll admit I had a ton to learn about truly loving these boys and seeing them as people. And yes I kinda got in a fight with a boy my first week. Yikes!! And I cried later that night! haha 

Brook went in to cover for me and I went up early to the portable. Brook texted me telling me that the boys kept asking if I was okay and that they do really like me and that they think I can help them out and be kinda like a Mary for them. 

That helped me feel alright. I told her.. "So they really do just test you, huh? Well good thing I am not going anywhere."

The last day on my first shift I got to be in the advancements meeting and in cowboy council. A boy put himself up for Cowboy council. And as he got up there and talked about the things he struggled with it hit me like a brick wall... THAT IS ME. I wanted to run out of the room.. MAN! it HURT! I did not want to hear it. The boy's pain was reflected in me. Tears began to drop, but I fought it. The only thing that kept me from leaving was that I should listen to what he has to say, it could help me and that it would be rude to get up and leave in the middle of this esp. when he is letting so many in and see his pain. As soon as he was done I got up and left the room. I cried. I couldn't help it. 

I got some books to read about Arbinger, which is what we teach the boys, and I began to read. I started getting it. In a lot of ways it is not too different from the Gospel. It teaches to in essence love everyone, in the purest way you can. And is that not what Christ asks of us?

I started to apply Arbinger to my life and then it hurt bad... I wanted to push it away and to just stop it. And I did... for a couple of days. 

Soon enough I discovered things about myself that I needed to work on. I had a lot to do. 

And I no longer wanted to keep Arbinger out of the picture. It was time to do some work! On me!

But you know what?? I knew I could do this.

Why?

Because of the amazing boys that were surroundiung me everyday at work. They are STRONG! They are GOOD! And they are just about the most AMAZING people I have ever had the pleasure to meet. 

I saw them conquer their issues and I was filled with hope. I can do that too! And so yes, I found out early on about my health stuff and found out I should not go on a mission. Was it hard? Yes, but it was not that bad because I got to go to work every week and be with these boys. I got to learn about them and their hardships. I got to hang out with them. I got to talk with them. I got to learn and grow with them. 

In a way being at the ranch is like a mission. Boys will say that I help them and that feels really great. But you know the truth?? Each and every one of them has helped me way more than I could have ever helped them.

I am so blessed to be among them and to be with them. I am so blessed to have met these remarkable souls that have so much to give to the world around them. 

Are they troubled... yes. They are. But who in this world isn't? Do they make mistakes? Sure. But you know what, that doesn't make them bad. I have made plenty of mistakes in my life. What matters is the heart. And the heart that I see in these boys is a heart of gold. I have never had anyone love and care about me the way these boys have. I have never had such incredible and wonderful relationships as I have been able to form with these boys.

So in a way Arivaca Boy's ranch has changed my life.

But really... my amazing co-workers have changed my life. They have become some of my greatest friends.

And most surely these troubled teen boys have changed me and my heart and the way I view this world and those who roam in it.

So really how can I not express my gratitude for this place and for these people?

Thank-you! Thank-you! Thank-you!

CHRISTMAS 2013 and the NEW YEAR!!!

I had a pretty fantastic Christmas break!

 The Holocoust Mueseum, Disneyland, Six Flags, and San Luis Obispo!!!

So fist off I just want to say I have some pretty crazy parents...  

Okay so I get home and what are my parents doing?? Service! My mom is setting up the young Woman's room like it is some kind of Winter wonderland for their Christmas lesson, I wake up to her saying "Erica, let's make bread to give out to our friends!", and then my dad is up all early putting in flooring for some people in the ward! 

Aren't I so lucky to have such amazing examples as parents?? I helped my mom out with the decorating and bread making. I should have helped my dad as well but it was flooring or decorating a room like winter wonderland!!! I went for the winter wonderland thing! haha

The lesson my mother gave was amazing! Yes, I am way too old to be going to young woman's but you know my mom is in there and I like to be with the youngings! Helps me feel mature! ;) Just kidding! 

It was the first Christmas lesson my mother gave when she came in as the President of the Young Women's and it was my favorite one! Well my mom has been president for so long that all the girls that had that lesson were gone so she could use it again! And boy, oh boy did I love it!! It was what I needed. Seriously. It made me think about my loving Savior and for the love I have for Him. He is the lover of my soul no matter how imperfect I am and how weak I am and even with how much I struggle and come up short! But the most amazing thing is His love for me. That He loves me so much that He not only was willing But He chose to feel all that I have felt!! And let me tell you those feelings that I have felt in my life are not always so pleasant. But He has felt them so He can be with me on this journey so that I will never be alone! Truly amazing!

So once we cleaned up the place after that beautiful  ;esson the next day we were off to go to the beach house!! Whoot! Whoot! I was glad for many reasons, but esp. to get out of the freezing town of Tehachapi and into some nice beach weather!! I have become a total wuss since I have moved to Arizona. 

So we went to the Holocoust Musuem!! It is in L.A. and it was amazing! In the movie "Freedom Writers" the teacher takes them to a Holocuast Musuem, well, a boy at the ranch told me I need to watch that movie and so I did and it touched my heart so deeply I cried! It reminded me of my wonderful boys and so I  just really really wanted to go to this museum. So  my parents and I went! And it touched my heart!! I learned so much, it is a sad thing to know that humans can be capable of such hate. But, I also know that we are capable of such immense and pure love as well. The way I see it is that something this horrible can only happen if people are willing to see others not as people but as objects. If we harm an object it does not matter and we can live with it so long as it remains an object to us. But as soon as we see that "object" as they truly are... a human being with thoughts, feelings, dreams, talents, hope, joys, and sorrows it becomes near impossible to treat them harshly despite what we believe they have done to us. So thats my shpeeel on that... here are some pics!

So I guess enough of the sad. It was a wonderful thing to go to and I recomend it for everyone!!

Anyways! We also went to disneyland! On Christmas dayyyyy!!!! I woke up like a little child at like oh I dont know... 5 am to open up presents, which was weird cause it was just my parents and me. And then we went off to the so-called land of happiness! And it was super happy and great the first like three hours or five. We walked right on to many a ride and that was pretty fantastic! But then things got a little more crowded and a little more crowded until it was so gosh dang jam packed that you could barely walk!!!! Seriously... there were times you'd be at a stand still. And you'd have people all around you all squished together like sardines. And I swear to you I am not exagerating! SCOUT'S HONOR! So finally we gave up and left and watched Frozen!! Super cute movie, so go watch it if you haven't!
Ok! Picture time! I took lots!

He is a goof!

iI got soaked while everyone got sprinkled on... no biggie!

"Don't mess!"

So uh yeah if I wasn't already freaked out by the bears it wouldn't be so bad that he started leaning all into me and what not. My father just really wanted to take a picture of us with a bear??? Don't ask me why they are way creepy and get creepier after you stand by them! I don't advise this, esp. to little children. 

 So yeah! That was pretty fun!

Well then I left to SAN LUIS OBISPO!!! I had not been there for awhile and I was craving me some good ol' FATTY'S pizza and some firestones!! That was my first request when I walked into Derek and Mary's cute little apartment! haha Well I only got me some fatty's so I guess I will just need to make another trip for some firestones! ha Luckily we did hike Bishop's peak to work off that pizza! And we also spent some time at the Avila beach! I gotta admit I me=issed this place, but you know I just love Arizona too much. Strange how I chose to live in the desert rather than by a beach, but alas I do.

Bishop's peak from a distance

On the way to hike away

I am sad to say that we did not come across any King Trantulas!!! Sad day! And I am being HONEST!! I wanted to see like a whole line of them kinda like Harry Potter or something, I don't know!

So while I was having my beach adventures that one day in San Luis Obispo I got this absolutly brilliant idea... Ok so it is not super original and I was at the beach with a glass bottle drinking away my juice when I couldn't help but think about that one song "Message in a Bottle". I was even humming the do-do-do-a-da-da-da part. Anyways! I thought, "Hey! You know what?! I got this glass bottle and I am by the ocean... hmmm... I can make my own message in a bottle!" Then I got even more clever and thought, " And you know what?! It is like almost New Year's so I could make it about the things I want to let go of from my past and toss it into the ocean off of the San Luis Obispo pier! And it will be like me physically letting go of it!!" ummm. can I just say I am a total genius! Am I right? Am I right? okay so maybe not completely, but it goes without saying that it is a pretty cool idea.

 So I wrote up a note. Saying to an extent that I am letting go of the pain and hurt from my past and moving on and moving forward with my life.

 I went to the pier after midnight....

 And I tossed that suckaaa into the ocean! And yout know what??? It felt really really great!!! I felt a load lift and I knew that I still have much to accomplish and work on, but in 2014 I am going to live in the present and only deal with the past if needs be. But really the past is the past. It has affected me and molded me into who I am. But it ain't gonna be no crutch to me. Instead it is gonna be my strength!

May we all forgive those who have wronged us in our past and let go of the pain and the hurt and the anger and chose to move on and move forward. May we all chose to not let those things be a crutch for us, but chose to work on it and make it become a strength so that we can help others by sharing what we have learned through the times of difficulty! Here is to a bright new year! 2014!!!

 P.S my mom looks way goofy in basketball shorts... just sayin'